Personal unhappiness is usually rooted in a perception that we are not getting what we really need.  The problem is that most of our opinions on this matter are based on some fairly selfish attitudes that really translate into being upset about not getting what we WANT.  So, distinguishing between what we WANT, versus what we really NEED is critical.  If we believe we are getting what we need and get rid of the thinking that pursues what we WANT…then we can become grateful in any an all circumstances.

The problem with getting unhappy about not getting what we want is that it always involves our feelings and when we begin to base our happiness on the way we feel we are stepping into the deep waters or fear, resentment and a host of other negative emotions.  Then, all those negative feelings  begin to connect and they become self-perpetuating.  In other words, if we surrender to all those kinds of feelings then the way we view our lives becomes even worse!

The only way out of this spiraling, emotional disaster is to become grateful for the good things we have in our lives, regardless of our circumstances.  The simple solution is to just thank God for his grace and mercy and then make a gratitude list – a simple list of things that God has given us to produce the “peace that passes understanding”.  Even in the darkest moments of our lives there are things to be grateful for.

The human issues that start the process of self-pity are directly tied to our feelings.  When we begin to make choices and decisions based on our feelings, rather than the truths God gives us in His word we begin to move down a slippery slope to destruction.  The hard fact is that our feelings are very powerful and it is difficult to stand against them and say no to the many compulsions they have the power to lead us into.  Some of those compulsions are infidelity or overindulgence in anything that will help us feel differently.  Usually, the feelings that lead us into destruction are based on fear.  Simply stated, we fear that we are not going to get what we want, or believe we deserve.   When we begin to be fearful about being happy we are beginning to walk toward the deep water of stupid decisions that lead to catastrophe.

Destructive thinking is like a plague.  Once it begins it becomes a tidal wave of emotion that can take over our lives.  The solution is to take our thoughts captive, one thought at a time.  It also helps to stop listening to other people who just want to tell us how bad our lives are.  Surround yourself with Godly people who understand God’s word and most importantly – spend time in the word yourself.  Ask God to help you leave the bad neighborhood your thinking has led you into.  If you stay there very long, nothing good will come of it.

(To see other posts on this issue, search “thought life” in the home page search box)

In this blog I have discussed the concept of living Life on a Cross.  To crucify self, the process of taking thoughts captive must be integrated with the Life on a Cross model.  When we are able to do that a powerful transformation begins to take place at our spiritual core.  The power of God to really change us at the level of thought and motive becomes evident to us.  As we become more patient, more kind, more forgiving and more obedient, we begin to authentically reflect God in our lives for the first time.  This is real Christianity.  This is the purpose of God.  This is how we are putting on the mind of Christ.

There is no better example of self seeking than divorce.  When a couple divorces a family is destroyed.  Children are deprived of their need for both parents to raise them in a loving home.  In-laws are forced to take sides and extended family wars break out.  Resentments hang on for years and the lives of many people are severely disrupted and changed.  All of this happens because one or two people decide they aren’t as happy as they want to be and they believe they are unhappy because of their spouse.  Most people who get divorced rationalize the effect on their children by saying, “The children will be much happier when I  am happier!”    A fundamental fact of self seeking is the idea that everything revolves around me.

It’s a well known statistic that 50% of new American marriages end in divorce.   The divorce rate for second and third marriages is worse!   60% of subsequent marriages fail.  The self seeking continues in the second marriages and disaster repeats itself.   It is not unusual for men and women to have children from three and four failed marriages.  As each new relationship fails to produce the level of happiness people want, their subsequent marriages are more easily abandoned.  The only thing learned from each failure is that the decision to divorce becomes easier to make.  The self seeking never stops.

As a wise man (Zig Ziglar) once said, “You have to BE, before you can DO“

How much of your thought life is spent in the past or in the future.  If you spend much time in either I imagine you are frequently angry or fearful.  To change all that you have to live in the moment.  That requires faith in God and trusting him for all you need.  In the present moment is peace because God is found in the present moment.

I am not a ‘salvation inspector’ and I don’t judge the spiritual condition of others. I’ve had enough difficulty dealing with my own! A person’s spiritual condition is between them and God. However, I know there are many people who secretly fret over the authenticity of their relationship with Christ. There are lots of reasons that fuel this worry, but the biggest is a lack of fruit. By lack of fruit I mean an absence of love, joy, peace and the other character traits of Christ that are supposed to be present in the life of a Christian. In America today it is difficult to tell the difference between Christians and non-Christians, based on how they live and what they do. As it has been said, if many of us were put on trial for being Christians there might not be enough evidence to convict us. The reason for the lack of evidence is what the Apostle Paul called carnality or being fleshly. It is quite possible for Christians to live in a carnal condition. Paul’s letters to the church at Corinth acknowledge and verify the existence of carnal Christian people – People who have been saved by grace and regenerated but continue to live by their own self-will.

Some Things Must Be Revealed

Sometimes it seems there is nothing humanity will fail to master, given enough time, imagination and effort.  The frontiers of knowledge and scientific advancement seem limitless.  There are, however, two questions that are beyond the ability of humans to answer by their own thinking and observation.

1.  Who, or what is God?

2.  What is our relationship to God?

It was in 1977-78 that I began a quest to discover the truth about God.  I think such a quest is common to most people at some point in their life.  In my case,  I was not well focused during the first few years I was investigating God.  I would run into someone who had an interesting perspective on God and  spirituality and I would chase that idea until it became illogical for one reason or another.  Eventually it dawned on me that all I was doing was evaluating a lot of human opinion and there was no way to verify the truth of anything on a factual basis.  The only conclusion I could reach was that a lot of people seemed to believe this way or that and they were very sincere about it.   This was long before I understood how sincerely people can believe a lie.

When it comes to defining God, we must have an authentic revelation from beyond ourselves and the natural world.

Nearly every process of human curiosity and discovery is somehow related to defining God.  Science seeks natural explanations for the natural world.  Psychology seeks to find the sources of human behavior and explain them in secular terms.   Medical Science seeks to understand and treat the disease and discomfort that play havoc with our physical body.  Astronomers peer into space to find origins and beginnings.  Biologists and archeologists seek connections to man through ancient animals and prehistoric goo from millenniums past.  Religion tries to explain and meld the natural world, the universe and the spiritual into cogent systems of belief and practice.   At the root of all these things is one reality:  God.

What we believe or disbelieve about God and religion are the most influential truths or lies a human being imports into their Body of Truth.  They are the truths of all truths.  They are the foundational truths of our existence and every other truth or lie we accept must be consistent with what we either believe or do not believe about God.  It is either the presence of God or the absence of God  that becomes the foundational rudder of our existence in this world and the next.  God has set eternity in the hearts of men and we labor to understand what it means.

“…He also has planted eternity in men’s hearts and minds [a divinely implanted sense of a purpose working through the ages which nothing under the sun but God alone can satisfy], yet so that men cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.  Ecc 3:11  (Amplified Bible)