I believe emotional pain occurs when reality overcomes fantasy. By the time I became willing to take an honest look at myself I had enough of it to last a lifetime. I spent my younger days trying to fill my emotional tank with material things and the lusts of the world that provided temporary fulfillment. My most significant partner was alcohol.
Like most people who have experienced addiction, alcohol started out as a form of adult recreation and fun for me. Over time it became my best friend and ultimately my deadly enemy. For many years I could rely on alcohol to make me feel good because it seemed to have a magical power to transform me. The transformation always gave me temporary relief from the shroud of impending doom that surrounded me most of the time.
Alcohol worked for me until I was in my late 30’s. Then it almost killed me. While I avoided experiencing many things that plague alcoholics at the very end, I eventually had enough. Divorce, declining health and bankruptcy, were served up to me in succession.
My emotional pain eventually became so intense I sensed death. I knew I had to do something different. The only problem was that I had tried just about everything I believed might make me happy. I had put my faith in things that had no true value and they had all failed me. Money failed. Possessions failed. People failed. Alcohol failed. Everything I believed to be true about being happy had failed.
So, I decided to chase after God, who never fails.
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