The Sin of Self-Seeking

Self seeking involves taking advantage of situations and circumstances without regard for the consequences to others.  Self seeking only cares for how things can be better for me!  Even though there will be consequences for others, self seeking enables us to rationalize and discount the collateral damage.

There is no better example of self seeking than divorce.  When a couple divorces a family is destroyed.  Children are deprived of their need for both parents to raise them in a loving home.  In-laws are forced to take sides and extended family wars break out.  Resentments hang on for years and the lives of many people are severely disrupted and changed.  All of this happens because one or two people decide they aren’t as happy as they want to be and they believe they are unhappy because of their spouse.  Most people who get divorced rationalize the effect on their children by saying, “The children will be much happier when I  am happier!”    A fundamental fact of self seeking is the idea that everything revolves around me.

It’s a well known statistic that 50% of new American marriages end in divorce.   The divorce rate for second and third marriages is worse!   60% of subsequent marriages fail.  The self seeking continues in the second marriages and disaster repeats itself.   It is not unusual for men and women to have children from three and four failed marriages.  As each new relationship fails to produce the level of happiness people want, their subsequent marriages are more easily abandoned.  The only thing learned from each failure is that the decision to divorce becomes easier to make.  The self seeking never stops.